I know this post isn't about OU study but this has happened since I've been studying so I think it needs to be said on here.

I decided to post on here just to keep my blog going and to say what is going on in my life away from the OU. I think I wrote on my last update the my father was terminally Ill with bowel cancer which then spread into is liver, stomach and lungs. He ended up coming back from the Philippines which in it's self was an horrendous journey I'm so shocked that he actually made it over here. He spent the first month or so at his sisters in Cuckfield, we all visited him but his wife Novi wanted to come over to be with him, she managed to sell some stuff to raise the funds for the flight. John (my uncle) did not want novi to stay with them, he is an 83 year old man who does not cope with strangers very well.

Anyway Sarah said that dad and novi can stay with her in the spare room, we all hurried around to try and get a bed for him etc the bed it turned out was too low but it did for now. the first day that dad came to Sarah's we all had to go out for Lee's 50th birthday dinner in Reigate, we asked him if he would be ok and he said yes. We left him on the sofa with his curry he wanted to eat, about halfway through dinner Sarah text dad to see if he was ok, he then text back saying he could not get off the sofa, she asked him if he needed to go the toilet and he said no. Long story short we got back to Sarah's at about midnight, and we saw dad lying on the sofa looking very unwell we managed to wake him up and he was desperate for water so I got him a glass. Sarah and I got him to his feet and took him to bed he almost collapsed on me and I grabs him just before he did, the next Morning Sarah and I had to wake up really early at about 0400 to collect Novi from Heathrow airport.

When we were driving back with Novi to the house she was very excited that she had made it to England, when we got back to the house, we showed Novi where dad was in the front room and she burst into tears and wrapped her arms around dad, we were always suspicious of Novis intentions and this reaction out our minds at rest some what.

Dad was getting weaker by the week then by the day, he didn't want to end up in a hospice and he wanted to die at Sarah's so we did everything in our power to make that happen. We had the hospice to provide an proper hospital bed that adjusted at a touch of a button and he had a mattress that stopped bed sores towards the end he was completely bed-bound, so this was a great thing to have. Moving forward and couple of weeks Sarah rang me on Friday 16th June, at around 10:00 I was at work she then told me that the nurses have rang her to get home, so Caroline at work told me to take the loan car from with in the wear house and go, which I did I got to Sarah's at around 1300 to which I had Sarah and mum come up to me crying their eyes out they hadn't told me to has happened so I assumed that dad had already died. Sarah said that he has hours left and that he can still hear us. I went into the room and there was dad unconscious breathing heavily, he stayed like this for a couple of hours and we all told him that he can go if he's ready, he died about thirty minutes later with Sarah, mum, Novi and I hold his hand and stroking his forehead, it was such a weird and upsetting, traumatic experience one of which I do not want to repeat. He stayed in the house for a few hours afterwards and we were all crying and supporting eachother, as I'm typing this I can remember how I was feeling it was dreadful, I feel that if I write down all this then I have emptied my head of it, I am writing this on my iPad on a train going to Surrey as we are burning dad tomorrow at an natural burial ground called Clandon Wood it is so beautiful and tranquil dad would of liked it he liked nature and animals and we have chosen a nice stop for him.

The funeral is at 1300 tomorrow afternoon we are having the service by the grave side as well this is mainly due to expense, dad had no money and had no life insurance so we have to pay for the funeral. We are still making it nice for him and it shouldn't look cheap, (I hope it doesn't).

I am feeling very apprehensive and I have been feeling that since yesterday, I don't know what it is maybe this is how I am moaning dads death - who knows? I have t cried much since a few days after it happened, I'm putting. That down to the fact that he has not been a major part in our lives for the last ten years, he chose to moved to the Philippines.

James Fox

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